thirty-five. {shakeIt style…}

i’m thirty-five.
as in, almost twenty-four hours ago, i turned thirty-five.
and, i was shakin’ it with this iphone photo app, all weekend…

my entire weekend has been a celebration.
so much goodness jam-packed into three days.

how am i feeling? about this big three-five?

well, the first five years of my thirties were beautiful,
easy to age…as i kept adding those years.

this next five i might not take with such grace.
this three-five feels like the older-side-of-thirty.

but…

for now, i’m happily-thirty-five,

girls lunch on friday at smashburger…my choice of restaurant!

my most-favorite-absolutely-love-meal right now is the chicken mushroom swiss on a wheat bun. mmmmmmmmm. with a side of veggie frites, which are flash-fried carrots and asparagus. oh. i need some now. again. with one iced tea. yum. my gifts and the gift-wrappings were all darling…i was spoiled. thank you, girls. xoxo.

i will always be younger than husband,
so therefore always young. wink. wink.

…it seems fitting to write a bit about what i’ve learned about myself. maybe my kids will one day look back on this to read it, and think, “hey… mom didn’t figure some of this out till she was thirty-five.” or maybe they’ll think “i totally disagree with mom, she was nuts!” either way, i hope it allows them a certain peace. it’s taken me a long time to figure out what i believe and what i know. and, i’m still evolving. for some of these things, it’s taken me an even longer time to be willing to share most of it…

my friend caryn gave me this bin full of everything for her new favorite salad + the recipe, how cute is that? love it!

first of all, i want to be an example to my girls, i want them to live life to the fullest. i want them to understand that motherhood does not completely define me. i want to be an example to them, to cultivate who they are. to dream big, and conquer. with this said,

here’s a few things i’ve finally grasped, with-this-big-three-five…

i’ve learned…that looks aren’t everything but feeling good is. and yes, feeling pretty is oh-so-important…but i think i’m finally gettin’ the hang of what makes me feel pretty. and i’ve found it in…sure, some lipsticks, a good hair-cut, eating healthy, finding a pair of jeans that make my butt look like a million bucks…but the bulk of it? in motherhood. in love. in confidence. in family. in the actual taking care of my body. in good friends. in being creative. in waking up, every morning, to snuggle with those i love.

what matters is…i’ve found it.
after a saturday morning full of tennis tournaments, dance, and a futsol game for the kids – we abandoned our four munchkins for a day out.
we started with marley’s. their sliders are to-die-for, and now on saturdays they have the most amazing cinnamon rolls. husband described them as “oily deliciousness.” go. go. go.

i’ve learned…that i like my meat medium-well.

i’ve learned…that it’s okay to need to be loved. i’ve always hated that about myself…fought the fact that i like hugs and e-mails and letters and phone calls and want to know i’m loved. growing up, i never wanted to need to be told i’m loved…thought it was tough to pretend i didn’t. but i can’t fight it. it’s my language. i’m a good lover (as in one-who-loves-and-cares, mind you.), a good friend, and i think, in return, i can’t help but want it back.

i love to be loved…and it took me thirty-five years to say that.

we started my birthday-date night in slc, and watched, “the tourist.” how do you say, “i absolutely loved it” in italian???

i’ve learned…to appreciate good food and drink…and to make memorable experiences from them.

i’ve learned…that you are responsible for your own happiness.

i’ve learned to embrace change as opportunity to learn just what i am capable of.

to try something new, husband chose “cedars of lebanon” for dinner. authentic lebanese & moroccan food. delicious doesn’t even cut it. we will be going again, soon.

i’ve learned…that you cannot write your past…you cannot change your childhood…but you can certainly write your present and your future.

i’ve learned…that my family is everything. and never to be taken for granted. and that i wouldn’t be the same without mine.

a big birthday dinner with lots of friends. lots of delicious food. lots of laughing. lots of good news. life is deliciously good.

i’ve learned…that i believe in God, but that i have the liberty to explore who he {or she} is on my own…and that he wants me to. i’ve learned that God is oh-so-much bigger and more beautiful than the books written about him. …and that he can be found, most prominent, in places away from church. i’ve learned that I will never know everything about him, but that i will learn more every day.

i’ve learned…what courage is. and i’ve experienced with every fiber of my being what it’s like to use it.

belly dancers. yummy mint moroccan tea. angi’s hit on the hookah {daring girl}. my birthday attempt at belly dancing. the ADORABLE surprise cake from here…sneaky husband. there is a big story to this pink peach surprise.

i’ve learned…that the best music, you will never hear on the radio.

while listening to music, i’ve learned…
that i have an atrocious voice, but love to sing, regardless.

i’ve learned…that i’d rather have a closet full of a few valuable favorites than a bunch of cheap stuff i found on sale.

…because quality is always better than quantity. in almost every arena.


i’ve learned…that creating art is a soul-moving experience, for me.

i’ve learned i am extremely anxiety-ridden. at times that anxiety can eat at me, and i have to slow down and b-r-e-a-t-h-e.

i’ve learned…at the end of those anxiety-filled days, there are always clean sheets. and ohhhhh, how i love clean, fresh sheets.

i’ve learned…i’m extremely decisive. i almost instantly do or do not like things.

double feature: back to the theaters for “how do you know,” it may be a slightly forgettable movie but i loved the cast – reese witherspoon and i are the same age. kudos girl for looking so great.

i’ve learned…that the hole in my soul, that was created when my dad passed away is never going to be filled completely. but, there are so many good days, beautiful-breath-taking moments, and some moments where all i wish for is to chat with him,i will always miss him. balance. in all things.

i’ve learned…i am a gift-ee, my mind just never stops planning gifts for those i love. lucky: so many of you!

this morning. this morning was like my own little christmas. gifts for me! the kids were so excited to run in to our bed and give me my birthday gifts, they have been hiding them all week, asking, “dad, can we give mom her gifts now?” days and days early. so, the morning was finally here! so thoughtful and sweet – one big snuggle fest.

i’ve learned…i love black licorice. toffifay. big cherry’s. cupcakes. chocolate covered cinnamon bears. and hershey’s milk chocolate will always be at the top of my list. however, i must limit these goodies by typically trying to not eat them.

i’ve learned…i am extremely emotional combined with sentimental.

this, i’ve learned can be a combination that needs to be controlled.

miss twelve was busy this morning, so we grabbed breakfast at Denny’s while we waited for her to join us…chocolate cake was definitely a part of breakfast!

an early dinner with so many of those i love. happy sumo for sushi, a favorite of mine.

i know…i am not and will never be a morning person. i am a night owl, who loves baths, and even if that bath must be taken at 3 am, i will still take a bath vs. getting more sleep.

…and that’s just some of what i’ve learned in thirty-five years.

…there’s so much more to learn.

…and i will. in good time. because i am young.

but for now…on this, my thirty-fifth birthday…
i can say that i’ve learned how to be truly happy.

and for that i’m thankful.

some mango mochi balls, because four ten desserts in one day are just not enough for this birthday girl! and, more birthday cake…this time, we lit candles & the kids all made a wish-for me.

and, a little game night/yahtzee time. {i even got a yahtzee on my last roll of my last turn on my birthday… good good karma.}

…yes, thirty-five with a happy heart. xo.

{and, when i start my new years resolutions…they will obviously include eating less after this weekend!}

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